


now i'm just numb

by SarahManningIsLife



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-19 23:29:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3628287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahManningIsLife/pseuds/SarahManningIsLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel Duncan, all grown up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	now i'm just numb

Rachel Duncan gets her own apartment shortly after her sixteenth birthday. It is not hers in name, of course, for she is too young for that. It is an improvement from the room she had at the institute. Her door there did not have a lock. Now, she has doors that lock and a proper home, not some room with a bed with a mattress too firm for her tastes.

She’s not completely alone, of course. They don’t trust her enough for that. A man who was introduced to her as Alexander Folke sits in one of her brand new chairs, idly staring out the window with a book dangling from his fingers. He doesn’t stay the night – they seem to trust her enough to let her sleep alone. DYAD has their cameras anyway.

Rachel searched the house once Alexander left the first night. One in the corner facing the front door, another two in the open space that is her kitchen and living room. None in her bedroom, or her bathroom.

The second thing she does is get a pair of scissors. She sits on the counter in her bathroom, and cuts away her hair, trimming it to perfection. And then Rachel colors it, covering up the little girl with the brown braids.

Morning comes, and so does Alexander. Rachel is dressed before he is there, in a black and white dress and flats. He doesn't comment on her hair.

 _Alexander_ , she says, _We are going to the mall._

Rachel brings the credit card DYAD set up for her with her monthly allowance. She spends six hundred dollars. New purse, new heels, new dresses, new makeup. No more little-girl clothes for her. No more little girl, no more daddy, ever, ever, ever.

They eat lunch in a fancy restaurant, bags under the table, and then return to Rachel’s apartment. She spends the rest of the afternoon reading, curled on her chair with her legs under her, and Alexander sits on the couch, reading as well.

He leaves every evening at six, and gets there in the mornings at eight. That night, after Alexander is gone and Rachel feels sufficiently alone, she goes into her room, and digs through the bags. She lays out everything on her queen-sized bed with a soft, downy mattress.

She tried them on earlier, at the store, but that was for fit. To see if she liked the way it looked on her. But Rachel puts on each dress again, in order from least favorite to most.

Her favorite is dark gray.

Two pairs of heels, black and black. Rachel slides into one pair, wobbling a little as she takes her first steps. First the three inches, then the four.

She struts around her apartment, purse slung over one shoulder. And then Rachel collects the makeup, deposits it in the bathroom. It takes her a few minutes to put on the blood-red lipstick, the mascara that is blacker than her soul. A waste of time, really; it’s not as if she’s going anywhere tonight.

(But then she knows that it _is_ worth it, as she circles her apartment again and again, looking at her reflection in the windows, getting blisters on the back of her foot, because when she looks in that mirror, Rachel Duncan doesn't see a little girl.)


End file.
